On Facebook Status Updates

I set my Facebook homepage to Status Updates only, and every time I load the page, I get a rich, colorful palette of status messages. If my Status Updates hompage  were a painting, it would look compare to a surreal Picasso. I’m saying this because I am amazed and amused at the diversity that I read on the screen. Indeed, there’s an infinite variety of people in this world. Each with their own background, and with something to say.

I acknowledge that Facebook is a public domain, and that I choose whom to add as friends. So I shouldn’t be complaining right? Uhm, I’d have to warn you that this blog is one huge rant. I just hope the readers of this blog take it constructively, and all for the greater good of making FB a better place.

While I acknowledge the diversity of the people and their status messages in Facebook, I also believe that there are similarities in how or what people post, and that the similarities can be used to  group or classify major types of Facebook status posters.

That said, here’s my first attempt at classifying Facebook status posters.

The 12 Types of Facebook Status Posters

1. Confucious Reincarnated – This type loves posting quotable quotes, proverbs and wise sayings. They probably want to awe the world by projecting an image that they are immensely deep, profound, intelligent, and a person of substance. Truth is, they may just be Google-ing  “quotable quotes” and being handy with the cut and paste tool.

2. The Food Twitters – This kind habitually posts everything that goes in their stomachs. Had this for breakfast, ate that for lunch, going there for dinner. Frankly my dear, we don’t give a damn.

3. The Human GPS device – Close relative of #2, except that this variety uploads all about where they’re at, where they’ve been and where they’re going, even if its just from their houses to 7-11 and back.

4. Mr. Mysterious – This species has a guilty pleasure of posting cliffhangers and incomplete phrases, with the hope of harvesting a lot of comments, mainly inquiries and requests for an explanation. Clearly this species like the attention. A typical post would go something like: “getting there…” or “waiting for it to come” or simply “…”

5. The Optimists – My personal favorite. Nothing like seeing rays of sunshine every time you log in at FB.

6. The Pessimists – Posts nothing but trials, tribulations, challenges and despair. They ought to hang out with The Optimists more often.

7. The Txt Spk Gurls – Unknown to many, netiquette discourages text speak. I don’t know why text speakers choose to be that way, and why they fail to realize that text speak immediately tags a person as someone from the bottom end demographic.

8. The Jet Setters – This breed knowingly or unknowingly brags about their travels. It’s my personal pet peeve and it really makes me scratch my head. Why broadcast that you’ve been around? No wonder they love going around the world, they’re worldly b**ches!

9. The Extroverts – A virtual life of the party. This bubbly kind loves to meet and greet. If you have such friends on FB, prepare yourself for a daily dose of “Good morning world!” and “Hello to everyone, I’m still alive!” type of useless FB spam.

10. Mr. In-the-Know – This breed basically just posts what they have seen on CNN which everybody knows already anyway. This type was the first to post that MJ died, or that Tiger Woods is caught up in a scandal. You’re into current events eh? So is everybody else, you dork!

11. The Misunderstood – This species has close DNA with Mr. Mysterious. But while Mr. Mysterious intentionally wants to arouse inquiry (and attention) from peers, The Misunderstood simply has the wrong notion that everyone can read their brains or between the lines of their posts.

12. The Flatulent Brain – Probably the worst of all classifications. They are basically a combination of all the other classifications. This kind doesn’t filter what comes out of their brains and goes ahead to type it online!

So what am I trying to say with these classifications? Well, to each his own really. I personally keep my status updates to a minimum, and this is to keep my privacy and to avoid being misunderstood. I often have a lot of things in my head, and the Internet is my great temptation to broadcast it. Let’s face it, the reward of positive comments and “like” clicks is addicting. But believe it or not, out of the dozens of mental Post-It drafts of status updates that I get to think of in a day, only about 1% make it online. While I am very opinionated here at The Geek Lounge (where I have semi-anonymity), I’m very prudent of what I state on social networking sites. I strongly believe that what you say can and will be used against you, sometimes even in ways you can’t imagine.

Here’s my all-encompassing guideline on how to post a Facebook status update:  before posting, imagine as if you are in a podium, about to speak in front of a huge audience from all walks of life and from all over the world. Imagine that it took some considerable effort for these people to drop by and listen to what you have to say. Then, imagine that you can only speak a few phrases or sentences. Is what you are about to say worthwhile to all the people listening?


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